Diary Post #25

Why is it that we go days or weeks or months staring at our phones and every sound it makes our heart drops because maybe it's that call/text/email (ya, I have a smart phone) that we've been hoping for..and then finally when we forget about it or give up on it we finally get what we've been dying for and it catches us completely off guard because you really forgot to hope for it?

It's the worst..and I guess the best, too.

Anyways, today I got a text that I had been half hoping for, half dreading, but forgot to think about-so I was caught completely off guard.

I've been hoping for it because I wanted the comfort it would bring, and also probably for some selfish reasons I won't give claim to.

I've been dreading it because I was afraid it would open wounds that aren't even closed yet, and I do my very best to ignore.

Well, let me just say that I truly believe it was inspired. A week ago I would have not taken it well-it would have only added to my misery and sent me into hysterics. But today, it was well received. My heart did drop, and then pounded throughout the 100x I read and re-read it, but no tears were shed (yet, hehe). It was the perfect words for me to hear today. And instead of making me feel worse, it gave me strength. Yes, I feel sick to my stomach right now because I'm obviously thinking about it-but I also know that I will able to go back to those kind, sweet words and draw strength from them.

From my point of view I can see how perfect the timing was.

Coincidence? I think not.

Also, can I take a second to say that I am fully aware of how debbie-downer by posts are lately. So if it's getting too diary/depressing/boring/you get uncomfortable reading/etc. for you, then by all means-go to....
Hehe. Just kidding.

I know I'll probably look back on my blog one day and regret saying some of these things, but for right now-and I mean RIGHT NOW as in 1 in the morning- I can't sleep because all these thoughts are swimming around in my mind and the only way to shut them up is to put them to words. And since I'm too lazy to write it all in my journal (hand cramps to the max), this is the next best thing.

So just know that I'm not that weirdo who posts super awkward, personal things and doesn't realize it...I'm that weirdo who posts super awkward, personal things and DOES realize it..and doesn't do anything about it.

I think I know which is worse.

Damn.

ANYWAYS. On a more positive note. Check out these cuties I got to spend all day with:

Ahhhh.

(that's the sigh of relief from the voices in my head being gone now..and sleep on it's way)