January is over?
Say WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT???
Here's my current problem: I think I'm obsessed.
1. I'm obsessed with money. It takes a lot for me to turn down an opportunity to make money, and it literally pains me to do so. Some might say that just means I'm SUPER hard-working, independent, mature, etc., but that's not really how I see it. Because yes, I work a lot and no, I don't have many bills to pay. My mom taught me that money comes and goes, and I shouldn't stress about it. But I can't help it- I stress. Everything I buy I think of in terms of "this is 2,3,4 hours of work..is it worth it?" So even when I do buy something I can't fully enjoy it because I'm thinking of the amount of work I have to do to pay it off. Seriously annoying. I just want to RELAX about it. On top of that, I'm a serious shopaholic, so I basically spend my life wanting, wanting, needing, getting..and then stressing endlessly. Someone give me a Xanex.
2. I'm obsessed with my body...and not in a "oh I'm so hot and ripped I need to stare at myself" kind of way.
Disclaimer: I don't think I'm fat. I don't have an eating disorder. I'm definitely not searching for (or wanting) compliments or assurances.
Let me explain. Kind of in the way I think of my purchases in terms of working hours, I think of things I eat in terms of the time I exercise. Every m&m I eat I think "Ugh this is like 7 football fields' worth of running". Whenever I eat something I usually end up feeling guilty about it, which makes it not worth it x2. (1-the calories, 2-I didn't enjoy it) Also I have a problem comparing myself with other girls. I know this is a huuuuuuuge no-no, but I can't help it! I think "I wonder how often she works out", or "I wonder if she just never eats". Or I'll become resentful and think "Okay I work out WAY more than she does, and yet her body is way nicer than mine". Ya, I know I know. I've heard all the "your body is beautiful, everyone is different, love yourself" blah blah. But that's not easy. I know we (especially women) are more critical of ourselves, and my self-criticism comes in the form of body image. I work at a gym, which definitely doesn't help. Especially in Provo where it seems every girl is in some sort of competition to be the hottest/skinniest girl around. I just see these fit, tiny women coming in all day and I think-what the H are they doing up there?! I work out. I go to the gym and work out and get sore and all that, and yet the results are not the same. It's a struggle for me. And no I'm not about to go throw up my dinner, or turn down frozen yogurt the next time it's offered. I'm just saying, we all have issues.
On a lighter note-I bought a shirt from Urban Outfitters today.
It only cost me $10.
1 hour of babysitting.
Totally worth it.
5 comments:
well at least you're not chubby, you skank.
holy crap. get out of provo. You'll feel better about yourself! :-)
You are beautiful Claire...and so there was the compliment you weren't wanting but I said it anyway! And lets be honest, guys like a little somethin' to grab on to...so eat the m&m's for cryin' out loud! :-)
oh my gosh i knew i saw you staring at me the other day. some people just can't have a rockin bod like me, deal with it.
this post made me very content- looks like my voodoo worked.
i placed the voodoo doll I made of you [after you flaked on me like 4 times] in front of a miniature broken mirror: symbolizing you feeling terrible about your perfectly hot body.
I'd say sorry if I was.
Claire- I think you're hot. And trust me, I have the EXACT same problem. I think about dealing with those kinds of thoughts I have for the rest of my life and I get mad at myself. But truly, I don't think there's a way to stop thinking like that. Just gotta accept yourself. At least that's how I tell myself to think
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